Instagram photo by thesimpleselfLast night Lizzi and I watched Blow. If you haven't seen it, you should, Johnny Depp is quite the actor.
I remember watching it about two years ago when Sean and I were together and I cried my eyes out at the end because Johnny Depp's character goes to prison and abandons his daughter.
This time, I turned the movie off 16 minutes and 29 seconds from the end. I knew he was about to be arrested and I just didn't want to see his daughters tears.
This is the 7th year my dad has been in prison. It is insane how fast time flies and how some feelings go away. How some nights, he still feels right next to me.
I could not sleep last night. Anxiety began to creep in and I woke up at 4am trying to remember if I had locked my door after Lizzi left. I didn't think I did. Was he in my house? Why was my closet door slightly cracked? Where was my phone?
All these feelings are real. And valid. But instead of curling up under my covers, scared and helpless, I got up and turned my lights on and just faced my fears head on.
It is okay to still have fears as an adult.
It is okay to still have childhood fears as an adult.
And it is still okay to miss your dad even if it has been 7 years.
Even if he wasn't good for you.