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Photos and video with hashtag #mylife


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Instagram photo by thisjessalewisYou know how you always end up being left to last as a mum? Well, we had a morning playdate yesterday which we were running late for and so of course I didn't get my morning shower. Thank God for dry shampoo, baby wipes and deodorant! Also didn't have time to go to the bathroom after dealing with additional nappy explosions and an 11 month old who had managed to coat her entire bottom half in what seemed like a litre of egg yolk but was in fact from just one egg. Babies magicians! We rock up at the playcentre and the kids have a ball but said baby is so super clingy and my tummy control Bridget Jones undies are so tight that I forget to go to the bathroom the entire time we're there. I briefly consider wrangling both kids into the toilets with me on our way out 3 hours later but dismiss it as too hard. Just hang on until you get home I tell myself. We start driving home but shrill shrieks alert me to another undesirable nappy situation so I have to pull over, change both kids on the side of the road and then feed the baby to calm her from the apparently horrifying experience of taking a dump without having to wait or give a crap (pardon the pun) about anyone else and then have it immediately dealt with while she just lies back being entertained. I then send the hubby this pic from the car but with more boob which his work colleagues all accidentally see (at this stage in life, seriously, whatevs). 30 min later we get home from our 5 minute journey and both kids are asleep. Awesome synchronising! But that means I now have to carefully carry them inside one at a time to their room at the back of the house, meaning my poor bladder has to wait even longer. And hell hath no fury like the full bladder of a woman who hasn't been doing enough pelvic floor exercises and then has to carry a 15 kg toddler+ while dancing around trying not to pee all over the rose bushes in front of the neighbours. I managed to get to the bathroom and then those stupid crazy hard to remove tummy control briefs came back to bite me in the arse. So when my husband came home at 5.30 and asked me why I was still in my pajamas, the simple answer was that I'd pissed all over my favourite jeans.

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